Never Good Enough
by Firediva0
Summary: Young Misaki Takahashi blames himself for his parents death.He would bite,cut,slap, and punch himself everyday.Misaki thinks no matter how much pain he goes through he will never be able to atone. So everyday he makes himself lose more and more blood. What will Usami and Takahiro do when they find out? If they find out?Chapter 3 Fixed!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I will say this probably once so listen up.I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**Hey Firediva0 is here! I am going to warn now. If you don't like yaoi don't even bother to read because in later chapters they may be lemon. Also I hope you enjoy this story! Constructive Critisism is always welcomed. Well on with the story!**

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Never Good Enough Chapter 1

~Normal POV~

It was 6:00 am. Misaki was getting up to start his morning swung his legs off the bed and got up and went to the bathroom to take a he got out of the shower it was 6:30. He put on his uniform and started to walk down the stairs to make breakfast. He made omelets and fruit smoothies. When he finished he noticed it was 6:59 so he started the countdown to seven. As if on cue Usagi groggily came down stairs because he stayed up all night to finish his manuscript. Misaki set the food down while Usagi sat down. They both ate in comfortable silence. When Misaki finished eating he said "Thanks for the food." When he looked at the clock he noticed he had 20 minutes to spare so he went up stairs and went to the bathroom. In the bathroom he started to think about how his parents would wake him up and gave him time to remembered all of the happy times. He then heard something that sounded like a mumble. Startled he listened intensly until he heard it again. This time more clearly.

" It's your fault." The mysterious voice said.

"What is?" Misaki answered confused.

"That your parents died. You killed them. It was all your fault. The voice said.

"No it wasn't my fault." Misaki said trying to protest.

"It is. You made them die. You killed them!" The voice screamed over and over again.

Misaki tried to hold his tears back but he couldn't. He tried to deny it even though deep down he knew it was true. Misaki grabbed his head. The voice was screaming loudly those same words over and over again. He kept screaming it was Misaki's fault. Misaki desperately tried to deny voice just kept screaming.

"My parents died because of me. My parents are dead because of me. I killed them! Its all my fault. I killed them. They were killed by me!" Misaki said over and over again. He cried rocking back and forth. All he could do is cry. The voice then spoke again.

"Now that you have realized what you have done you must atone. " The voice said in a completely serious tone.

Misaki stayed silent.

"Remember no matter what you do will ever make up for what you have done. So you have to atone for the rest of your life." The voice said sternly.

"Nothing will ever makeup for what I have done. I have to do this for the rest of my life. Misaki repeated. His voice low and full of sorrow.

" Yes now bite your arm. The voice said in a serious tone.

"Okay."Misaki said as he rolled up his sleeve and started to bite it. He bit harder and harder until blood started to seep out. His arm was now a bloody mess. He kept biting himself over and over again when finally the voice spoke and told him to stop. Misaki was now pale from all the blood lost. He then got some tissue and bandaged his arm. He then hid the evidence by putting it in plastic bags and putting it all the way at the bottom of the garbage can. When he walked down stairs he noticed he was ran to the train and when he got off he ran to school. He noticed he was right in time for devil Kamijou's class. When he walked in he saw the teacher who's class he missed and was glared at.

~After School~

When school was over Misaki called Usagi and told him he had to go to the store. He declined Usagi's offer to take him and told him he should focus on his manuscript. It took a lot of persuading but reluctantly Usagi Misaki went to the grocery he got everything he needed and then he walked to pay for his things and started to walk home when he saw lights and then everything went black.

~Misaki POV~

I got all the ingredients for dinner. When I heard tires screeching. Everything happened so fast. The next thing I knew everything went dark and my whole body guessing I got hit.

" That's what you deserve." The voice said.

" It's not enough though. Not even close." The voice said that I was enveloped by darkness.

~Usami POV~

When I was working on my next manuscript. I heard my phone ring.I picked it up quickly hoping it would be Misaki because I was bored. Sadly it wasn't it was mans voice. He was asking me if I was related to a boy named Misaki Takahashi. I immediately said yes and asked what was wrong. The next words I completely dreaded .

" I am sorry to inform you but Misaki Takahashi is in the hospital. "

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**Cliff hanger! I am oing to stop here because I want to see if you like the story so far! So don't forget to review! What do you think of the voice? Do you think Usami and Takahiro will find out? Let me hear your thouhts!Also feel free to call me Kristen. I have no problem with that.**

**~Firediva0**


	2. Chapter 2:The Past part 1

**Hey how are you guys?Sorry for the late update. Let me tell you now what awaits you you will never guess. I suprised myself with this chapter. Make sure you tell me your reactions at the end in your review. I want to this chapter is sad. Anyway Happy Blated Birthday Ino-Death!**

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Chapter 2

~Usami POV~

When I heard those words it felt like my entire world had stopped. I immediately asked which hospital and he said St. John's.I hung up the phone and ran to get my keys when Aikawa came in. She saw my panic and asked what's wrong. I screamed at her that Misaki was in the hospital. Her face then went into full shock. I ran out the door and she ran after me. We got in my red sports car and we sped to the hospital. When we walked in the hospital I stopped at the front desk. When I was there I asked what room was Misaki Takahashi in. For some weird reason the receptionist smile slowly faded which I am guessing she noticed when she hurriedly said down the hall to the right and to go to the waiting the waiting room I sat down and waited for someone to come out and tell me how Misaki was after Takahiro and Manami came. Takahiro cried the whole time. After all who could blame him?The last person in his family got hit by a sat there for what felt like hours finally someone came asked for the Takahashi family and had us all come towards him. Takahiro frantically asked what was wrong with Misaki and what the damage was.

"Mr. Takahashi has 4 broken bones, a concussion, his left foot is broken and his right arm is broken also he has major blood loss."

.I held in my gasp. I can't believe Misaki was in such a doctor's face started to become grim when he paused and open and closed his mouth again until finally he spoke.

"Also we are concerned with some of the wounds he had before he came to the hospital."

My eyes went wide. 'Wounds? What Wounds?'I thought. The doctor then spoke again.

"Mr. Takahashi had numerous bite were all deep and he lost a lot of blood."

My mind started to work to find the answer as to why Misaki would bite himself. I came up with nothing and turned to see my best friend go silent when the doctor said this. His face said he knew the reason. It also said he was hiding something. Soon the doctor said follow him. So we followed him and arrived at room 183. I was guessing this was his slowly turned the knob and opened the door. What we saw will forever haunt us. In the white room was Misaki sitting on a hospital bed connected to thousands of the doctor said about bite marks were true because when you looked at his arm that was all you could see.I turned around to Takahiro and as calmly as I possibly could I asked him why Misaki would bite himself. He opened and closed his mouth over and over again.I'm guessing he's trying to find the right a few dreadfully silent minutes he finally spoke.

"Misaki has done this before." With this I let out a gasp. I couldn't believe he did this

sucked in a breath and then spoke again.

"He did this right after our parents died. You know how he blamed himself."I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Misaki did worse though. He would bite,slap,cut,punch and abuse himself everyday.I tried to stop him but it was as if he was in a trance. He kept mumbling about how he had to atone.

I was absolutely powerless. Then one day it drastically worsened. He started to do it more and more. Deeper and deeper until finally I heard about it the next day." Takahiro paused as he sucked in a large breath and continued.

"His whole second grade class was brutally murdered."With this I sucked in a breath as I couldn't believe it.

"Misaki was the only survivor and the police found him in the middle of the classroom hugging the head of a friend of his. His eyes was the purest green at that moment. They stood out from all the red and dead bodies." I couldn't believe what I just heard. My whole body tensed. Misaki knew more death than anybody. "Then one day he collapsed from all the blood loss and depression. When he woke up he was in the were able to break him out of his trance but there was one thing that the doctor told me. If Misaki were to go into that trance again there is a high possibility that he will experience more death than anybody. At first I didn't understand so I asked him about it. He said Misaki would start thinking about things we haven't thought he will think about things so deep we couldn't even picture it. He said Misaki will be mentally unstable and will need to be put in a mental hospital before he completely loses his mind. We need to hurry up and get him out of the hospital before he wakes up or else everyone inside will die.

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**How was it? Did you like a ****part**** of Misaki's past? Did you notice I underlined part?Well that is because there will be more tragedies a head!Don't forget to review!**


	3. Chapter 3:The Past Part 2

**AN:You may notice there is no bold letter's or borders that is because of some strange new update they did to copy and made some. Hope you enjoy the many tragedies ahead!**

Chapter 3:The Past Part 2

Last Chapter

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"Then one day he collapsed from all the blood loss and depression. When he woke up he was in the were able to break him out of his trance but there was one thing that the doctor told me. If Misaki were to go into that trance again there is a high possibility that he will experience more death than anybody. At first I didn't understand so I asked him about it. He said Misaki would start thinking about things we haven't thought of and that he will think about things so deep we couldn't even picture it. He said Misaki will be mentally unstable and will need to be put in a mental hospital before he completely loses his mind. We need to hurry up and get him out of the hospital before he wakes up or else everyone inside will die.

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Current Chapter

'When Takahiro said that my whole world stopped. Misaki has such a bad past? I couldn't believe it. He was only 17 yet he has had such a bad life and still smiled. No...he forced himself to held it in and punished only I payed more attention.' Suddenly Takahiro spoke again and brought me out of my thoughts.

"That's not all." When Takahiro said that I couldn't believe it. There is more?.

"After Misaki was found I noticed was in the exact same position when I found him when our parents. Him hugging our parents eyes the same pure glowed and stood out from the rest." When Takahiro said this me and Manami were confused. I finally asked the question not being able to take all of my thoughts.

"Didn't your parents die in a car accident?" I asked completely lowered his head and his aura was now black as if he was angry.

"No they didn't die by a car accident it was a cover up for how they were were really found in pieces. I called the police when I found Misaki hugging our parents head's while crying after school one day."Takahiro's face darkened.

"Misaki never responded like he used to after that. He would never talk unless spoken to and whenever he did talk it was like a silent whisper. However afterwards he started to smile again. I thought it was okay until I noticed he would be looking distant sometimes so I started to wonder were those smiles real."When Takahiro said this he looked up.

"You would think that was a lot but there was actually a lot more pain he went through. I can't tell you anymore though." He looked at Misaki and spoke again. " Some were so bad that it would break anyone's all this happened when he was a kid too. He knows so much death I am surprised he didn't go insane. Anyone else would though." When he said that I felt sympathy for Misaki. There was some that was even worse than that?I was once again pulled out of my thoughts when I heard Misaki's voice.

"What happened?" Misaki asked his voice radiating pain.

"You were in a car accident." Minami said with a low voice clearly shaken about what she just heard but Misaki didn't seem to notice. We heard him gasp when he saw that his arm's were exposed.

He looked at his arm and then back at everyone's faces. Before anyone could ask questions he spoke.

"So how is the weather today?"Misaki asked when suddenly Takahiro walked towards him. The next thing we heard was a loud scream. Takahiro slapped Misaki hard.

~Misaki POV~

I was shocked one minute I was nervously asking a question and then next thing I knew I felt a stinging pain in my right cheek.I looked up wide eyes at my the action sent pain down my whole body.

"That's what you deserve Misaki. Even your brother is mad at you." The voice said with a matter-of-fact went silent as I lowered my head and let my bangs cover my eyes.

"Why did you inflict wounds on yourself?"My brother yelled. I looked at the not letting anyone see my face.

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~Usami POV~

Everything went silent after Takahiro slapped Misaki. Misaki just stared at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Takahiro went off hard on Misaki. The slap was so powerful it made me flinch. I pulled Takahiro away from the boy who was silently looking at the floor. I wondered what he was thinking about and what expression he was making. Finally Takahiro calmed down but then we all noticed that Misaki was trembling. Manami let a gasp slip out. Misaki must of heard it because all of a sudden he stopped trembling and brought his face up to look at then let out a small smile and said he was sorry. We all saw through his facade and didn't let it drop.

"So why did you bite yourself?"Takahiro asked again in a calmer all faced Misaki for an answer.

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~Misaki POV~

When my brother asked me why I bit myself I let my years of lying take over.

"I had a test coming up but I didn't understand any of the material."They all made a sigh of relief and I smirked inwardly. I always had to lie to protect myself. I always forced myself to smile like most people worked out because I found the person I love but I know one day I will have to telll him about my past. It doesn't matter if I don't want to. I then asked a question when I noticed everyone staring at me as if they had doutes.

"So when can I leave?"I asked feeling anxious to go home to me and Usagi's apartment.

" You can go home today. So lets go." Takahiro said as we all headed to the reception area. Takahiro signed Misaki out and they left.

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~Usami POV~

We decided to take Misaki back home but if we saw anything wrong we would talk to see if it was worth taking him to the hospitable we walked in the house Misaki walked to the couch and set down next to offered to cook dinner. Misaki insisted that he should do it but MInami was persistent. He finally let her cook dinner. After dinner I showed Takahiro and Minami to the door and then we exchanged our goodbyes. When I walked into the living room I saw Misaki laying down on the couch sleeping. I guess he would be tired after everything that happened. I took Misaki to our bedroom and laid him down on his side of the bed. I then stripped myself of my clothes and laid down next to him and brought him into my embrace. I put his head on my chest and slowly drifted to sleep.

**AN:Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Tell me what you think is going to be one of many tragedies that has occured to Misaki in his past. I wonder who will get one Bye. Dont forget to spring forwards! Ja Ne**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:Sadly I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**AN:I went into a little writers block when it came to something else for this story but I wanted to give you guys something so hear you go!**

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Chapter 4:Who are you?

~Misaki POV~

When I woke up I noticed I was in Usagi's embrace. I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. I really loved being embraced by Usagi it makes me feel safe. When I opened my eyes I noticed Usagi was staring at me.

"You were awake?!" I blushed a deep crimson when he nodded. Hurriedly I jumped out of bed and ran out the room. I went to make breakfast also since today is saturday so I have no school. When I was finished making breakfast, I waited a minute and then looked at Usagi as he came sat down. We started to breakfast I noticed he stared at me quite a lot but he never said anything so neither did I. After breakfast I picked up both of our plates and washed the dishes.

When I finished I noticed Usagi was on the couch typing away on the way he focused so intently on the computer kind of made me feel guilty. I mean I did hide my past from him. He really only knows the lies me and Nii-chan spread. I feel guilty for having Nii-chan lie. Even though we both decided to lie in order to prevent us from remembering the tragic events that occurred. I kind of feel guilty that I didn't tell Nii-chan everything.

"Your a liar Misaki. You didn't even tell your supposedly beloved Nii-chan." The voice said.

'I lied so he doesn't give me anymore sympathy.'

"He slapped you didn't he? Apparently he's sick of you. You knew that too right? Isn't that why you left and moved in with Usami?"

'No! He's not sick of me! He always tell me he loves me.'

"Do you really think that's true?"

'Yes!'

"Then why is his eyes full of sympathy when he looks at you?"

"..."

"Isn't that why he puts up with you because of sympathy?"

'It can't be loves me... right?'

"No he doesn't and you know it too. Its the same with Usami right? Those stares he gave you they told it all."

"..."

"They don't love you. Misaki they only have sympathy. If you love them and don't want their sympathy then get out of there lives before you kill them too."

'I will kill them?'

'Yes so you need to leave now before you become an even bigger burden.''

~Usami POV~

I didn't notice that Misaki was standing beside me until I saw him through the corners of my eyes when I checked the time he was staring off into the space with a grave expression. He looked as if he was on the brink of death. His eyes were lifeless. I didn't even notice he started to head to the door. One minute he was staring off into space next moment he was running outside. I ran after and managed to catch up and when I grabbed his hand and turned him around I noticed he had a terrified expression. He looked at me and then with a sudden burst of energy he shrugged me off and then ran even I was out of shock he was gone.

I don't know why, but I feel something's not right. When I saw the lifeless look in his eyes, I just knew there was something more to why he ran.

'Misaki, Please be ok.

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**AN:I hope you liked the chapter! I know it was short so I . Also if you speak to Ino-chan make sure to thank her for being the beta of my story. Without her I wouldn't have been able to post this story. Also make sure to drop a review so I can thank you okay?**


	5. Chapter 5:Find Misaki

**AN:Sorry I didn't post sooner! I just want to let you know this is the start of something big so prepare yourself! Also make sure to thank Ino-Death because without her this story would have a lot of grammar mistakes! Also make sure to read her stories! They are really good! Now without further ado. I present to you the next chapter!**

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Chapter 5:Find Misaki!

Akihiko's POV:

When I couldn't find Misaki I panicked. I searched everywhere. I called his friends,checked the bookstore, and I checked the school. I just couldn't find him. I decided to give in and called Takahiro.

"Hey Usagi!" Takahiro said cheerfully into the phone.

"Hey Takahiro there is a problem."

"What is it?" I then started to explain what had happened to Takahiro.

"Did you check all the places he usually goes to?"Takahiro asked in a very serious tone.

"Yes but he is nowhere to be found."

"Okay me and Manami will be over in 5 minutes since were were going to check on you guys anyway." With that Takahiro hung up and drove here. In 5 minutes they rung the doorbell.

~Back with Misaki~

I was at the school on the roof crying my eyes out. The tears never seemed to stop as if it were natural. I thought more about what the voice said and it made me cry harder. I buried my face in my lap as I cried. I stayed like that for a few minutes when the voice spoke.

"Misaki. You know you can't stay here forever. Wanna go to a place you won't be a bother or get sympathy from?"

"I won't be bothersome?" I asked. Hope etched into my voice.

"No you won't Misaki they will welcome you with open arms."

"No sympathy?" Misaki asked. Wondering if such a place were to really exist.

"None at all. So will you go?" The voice asked. Unknowingly to Misaki he was praying he would say yes.

"Sure." Misaki said sounding truly happy.

"Okay do exactly as I instruct okay?"

"Okay." Misaki complied not really knowing what the voice meant.

"Clear your mind and nod when you are done." Misaki nodded.

"Count from 1-10 and slowly forget everything." Misaki did as he was told and then slowly started to feel sleepy.

1.

2..

3...

4...

5...

6...

7...

8...

9...

At 9 Misaki passed out.

~Someone's POV~

It sure was hard getting the young lord to fall asleep. I wonder when his memories will fully come back. Well lets just get him back home before he wakes up or unwanted company comes. I started to drop something on the floor. I made a full circle and then chanted a few words when finally I bit myself until blood came out and started to drop some of my blood on the circle. It lit up and I knew it was ready. I heard movement and tried to locate the source and that was when I saw the unwanted guest.

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**AN:What do you think? Who are the unwanted guest? Also what will happen to Misaki and what memories is this mysterious person talking about?Make sure to review!**


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